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Can You Save a Relationship After Having an Affair?

by Kate Ferguson on January 6, 2016
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For a lot of people an affair ruins a relationship, what with all the trust stuff disrupted and such. But for other couples sticking together is more important than throwing away what they have over another person who might not matter as much. If you were the cheater in a relationship and you’re hoping to keep it together, here are some things to consider.

You’re Going to Have to Be Honest

It’s not enough to just admit to an affair and be done with the conversation, to build back her trust you’re going to have to get really honest about why you did it and what you’re feeling now. Is it fun? Not necessarily, but it’s crucial. This isn’t the time to hold things back. Having conversations where you share everything is the only hope you have of fixing the relationship. If she can’t handle it then she can’t handle it, but if she can you won’t have to worry about anything else that you might be hiding.

See a Therapist

Sometimes the only way to get through an affair is to go to a therapist or a couples counselor that can help you sort through the issue. When people are angry at each other, hurt, and resentful, it can be really tough to communicate fairly even when you have both good intentions. Having an outsider can look in can help clear up miscommunications and get you back on the right track. There’s no shame in asking for help.

Be Willing to Work For It

If someone decides to give you another chance you can’t expect that everything will go back to normal right away. They might ask for your passwords, ask you to check in with them, or just be a little more standoffish in general requiring you to work a little harder to get close to them. Of course it’s up to you whether you’re willing to do any of these things, but know that it’s pretty normal for their behavior to change when they’re trying to trust you again.

Don’t Cheat Again

It sounds obvious but seriously if you get someone to take you back don’t betray them again. You should really try to avoid anything that is going to make you consider cheating or even just getting unnecessarily close to any women. Do what you need to do whether that’s unfollowing some hotties on your social media or skipping happy hour with your work friends because that super hot intern goes.

Know That It Might Not Work

At the end of the day repairing a relationship after an affair doesn’t always work out, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try if you want to. It’s actually pretty admirable to put yourself on the line with honesty and asking for forgiveness, and that will make you a better boyfriend even if it’s eventually to a different woman. Chalk it up to life lessons and try not to beat yourself up past the point of learning the lesson.

 

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